Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
