I love black thongs
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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