They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
