Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
