i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
