oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will be naked everywhere
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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