Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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