I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
