Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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