i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
