so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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