apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
