I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
