Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
