youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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