I hate your face
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
