operation harelip BJ is a go
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
