And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
