I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think my vagina is haunted
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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