im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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