As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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