I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
