K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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