Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
