how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
