I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He better not be in your backpack
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Damn victory sex feels great
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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