Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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