its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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