They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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