Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
