Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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