Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
