we have pet lesbian snakes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
