we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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