I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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