I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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