Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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