i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
