New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
