It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
