just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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