Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
