I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
