she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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