Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this just has baby written all over it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
