For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
