I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
