am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
