Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
