If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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