brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
